Friday, August 31, 2007

Oh the carnage! Actual poker content! Be warned, it's ugly!

My worst, most painful beat ever, sadly wasn't even a bad beat.  So I don't owe anybody a dollar!

18 player SNG on Tilt.  Blinds are sitting around 75/150, and we're down to 14 or so.  I get dealt an uns00ted Cheney (As2c) in the SB.  A guy in MP limps, I complete and BB checks.  Flop is 2s 5d 4s.  Nice and raggy, I lead out for about 2/3 the pot.  BB folds and MP calls.  Turn is the 3s, giving me a wheel, the nut flush draw, and a str8 flush draw.  I'm actually hoping for any spade but the 5, because I've just got this eerie feeling.  Of course the 5s hits the river, giving me a str8 flush, Ace to Five.  I bet the pot.  MP, who has me covered, raised enough to put me all in.  I'm hoping that maybe he's playing A5 and thinks his boat is good.  But I've still got a weird feeling about it.  I call, and flip my str8 flush over.  He then flips over 6h 6s, giving him the higher str8 flush, 2 to 6!  To hit a str8 flush is rare enough (I think I've personally hit them 3 times, including this one), but to hit one only to lose to the guy playing the only card in the deck that could beat me was just awful.  And to make matters worse, I ran the numbers on TwoDimes, and I was behind the whole time.  At no time was I any closer than a 70 to 30 dog, and that was preflop.  So there's a good story to start the long weekend with.  May the felt be with you.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Actual Freaking Poker Content!!

I’m actually going to Vegas in September, so I’ve been playing a little more ring to prepare. One thing I’ve noticed is that people bet differently in ring than they do in tournaments. In tournaments you can count on people limping with Ax, s000ted connectors, or 2 paint, and a 3x to 5x raise typically indicates JJ or higher. In ring, people seem to limp (.25/.50) with anything but a premium hand, or they pop 5x to 7x raises preflop. It takes some getting used to. That being said, I’ve had a few hands that were of interest.

What the fuck is a frush?

I’m dealt AKd on the button. EP pops a 4x raise preflop, it folds around to me and I smooth call, and the SB calls as well. Flop comes down 7d Jc 9d. Kewl. Nut flush draw. EP bets half the pot and I call, along with SB. Turn brings the 6d. EP checks, I bet out half the pot, being worried about someone hitting a str8 flush on the river, and SB calls. River is the Kh. I bet out, SB raises to put me all in, and I call. He flips over QTo for a rivered straight, and I laugh as my nut flush takes the stack Even from the SB, I can’t see calling that kind of preflop action with QTo, and to be hanging around after the turn when there’s a flush on the board that he has no part of…ship it bitch!

Hoy’s favorite Fonkey hand #1

We all know that Hoy loves himself (not) AJ. It is without a doubt one of his favorite hands to berate people about. I get dealt Hiltons in the BB. There are 3 limpers and I raised up to make it $2.50 to go (.25/.50), and I get 1 caller. Flop comes down J-high rainbow rags. I bet the pot, trying to weed anybody out playing Ax. I get called. Turn is a brick, so I bet the pot again and get called again. The river brings a fucking ace and I just start pounding my head on the desk. I figure that I’ve led the whole hand, may as well try to represent and hope that he’s been hanging out with something other than an ace. So I make a C-bet of about a third of the pot. He calls and flips over AJ, devastating my stack. Nothing I could’ve done would’ve gotten rid of him, once he had his TPTK. Hell, he probably would’ve called an all in preflop shove, because that’s what Fonkeys do.

One of my few suckouts, and it couldn’t have come at a better time, given the previous hand

I get dealt AQs UTG. I was on life support after the Fonkey Hand #1, with my once mighty stack down to a pathetic $6. So UTG I fire out a bet of $2.50, and get reraised all in by the guy to my left. To my amazement the SB calls as well. Everyone else at the table was sitting on a stack of at least $20, and with only 7 BB remaining I felt I had no choice but to shove and hope that I could find some magic. I flopped a Q with 1 club and 2 diamonds, which had me worried. SB bet out, Villain called and the cards were flipped. Villain shows AKo, and SB shows KQh. So far so good, but Villain’s K is a diamond. The turn is the 5d, and now I’m sweating a diamond flush. Fortunately the river is a brick and I tripled up to get back into the game.

Floppin' Quads
What else can I say about this? I was going to fold this hand, but the 5 limpers in front of me convinced me that the pot odds favored my J9h. So I joined the lemurs and limped. The flop comes down 3 Jacks. Well holy fucking shit, batman! It checked around on the flop. The turn was an 8, and the BB fired off a pot bet. Hmmm. I wonder what he's got. Oh what the hell, I'll call. The river is a Q, he checks, I bet, he folds. Who doesn't love flopping the absolute nuts?
Hoy’s favorite Fonkey hand #2

3 hands after my miracle suckout, I get dealt KK on the button. 2 limpers ahead of me, I bump it to $2.50 to go (6x). I get one caller. Flop is rainbow rags. Villain leads out with a pot bet. I shove and he calls. I show my KK, and he shows the Fonkey hand of AJo. Turn is a brick, but the river once again brings the ace, felting me. Ah the river button. Have I told you lately that online poker is rigged?

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

It ain't easy bein' a pimp!

I really do have some poker content to discuss, a couple of cashes in larger MTTs, one horrible beat (not a bad beat because I was behind all the way, but very sucky nonetheless), and a couple of really fun hands.  I'll try to get to those tonight when I get home.  But for right now I wanted to put on my pimp hat and smack some hoes around.  Many of you probably know Nick.  If you don't know Nick the person, then you might know Nick the guru/moderator/operator of  CardsChat is a great poker portal that really covers the full spectrum of poker.  News.  Site Reviews.  Bonus whoring opportunities.  How To tips.  Message Boards.  Bankroll management info.  In short, just about anything you could need that's related to online poker can be found here at  Now go check it out before I gotta bitch-slap you!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

One more deposit option gone.



Per PokerStars, as of 2 a.m. EDT Thursday, All Access Visa Debit Cards, the ones that actually did work on PokerStars and Full Tilt have been blocked.  PokerStars Deposit Assistance crew sent me an email stating that they'd been blocked by the Federal Government due to the US financial institutions' restrictions on "gambling" transactions.  I haven't confirmed with Full Tilt if they've been hit with the same restrictions, but I would presume they have been.  PokerStars has directed me to ePassaporte, which I believe Hoy has had some success with.  Guess I'll go online and use the card to pay my cell bill.  Meh.


I've actually managed to play in a few MTTs and SNGs recently, and when I get home tonight I'll put together a recap.  Actual poker content…who knew?