Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Court is now in session. Or is it...

And now, by popular demand, trial blogging!!! The names haven't been changed to protect anybody, because I don't really know any of them except the kinda cute white trash chick (WTC) that I've been talking with. Janelle, btw. we go.


7:55 a.m. After driving around in the steady rain looking for parking, I finally find a lot with open spaces. Only $17 for the day! I know, you people in New York and such can pay $22 for a half hour (I saw that over by Bobby Flay's Bolo restaurant in Manhattan a couple of years ago), but parking used to be cheap in downtown SD, at least until all the public parking lots were dug up to build high rise condos.

8:02 a.m. My turn in the metal detector. Briefcase. Both cell phones. Wallet. Keys. All thru the machine. Walk. Beeeeep. Back thru. Jacket (zipper?). Beeeep. Watch. Beeeep. Belt. There we go. I tell the cute deputy with her .40 Beretta that they should put up some porno music for those of us who have to remove articles of clothing. She actually cracks a smile! She wants me!!

8:10 a.m. Check in. Get all necessary forms. Sit down in only open seat in the lounge, which happens to be next to WTC. Pull out Palm Pilot to play Texas Holdem.

8:15 a.m. WTC wants to know what I'm doing. Long conversation ensues. I'm thinking that I never would've thought of jury duty as a place to pick somebody up. Maybe I can set up a jello wrestling match between her and deputy chick. Watch this space for the details!

11:30 a.m. Break for lunch. Crappy Chinese food from the food court. In the real court. I just realized that!

1:00 p.m. WTC is waiting for me at "our" seats. She wants me! 3 and a half hours to go. Please don't call my name, please don't call my name, please don't call my name.

2:10 p.m. Shit. My name is called. Bonus. WTC is called, too. She must have bribed somebody.

2:20 p.m. Go up four flights of stairs to take a skywalk from one building across the street to the 3rd floor of the other court building. Don't ask me, I don't know why. Total distance traveled from the jury lounge to our courtroom, approximately 1.8 miles. Seriously.

2:40 p.m. We're seated (I'm Juror #3, and WTC is Alternate 1, so we're both in the box. Box. Heh heh heh). \w/ Judge reads the charges and goes thru some basic questions for all the jurors.

4:20 p.m. Home. Report back at 9 a.m. on Wednesday.


8:55 a.m. Sunny. Parking almost as close as before, but only $12. Woo hoo! Only 2 blocks to the Karl Strauss Columbia Street Brewery. Strauss' Amber Lager is one of the five beers I would take with me to a desert island (sounds like material for a future post). It is teh shizzle.

9:00 a.m. Different deputy on duty for my strip show. Thinking ahead, cell phones, keys, etc. are placed into briefcase while in line, and belt removed preemptively. No beep.

9:05 a.m. Back in court. Attorneys are questioning the jurors. First the defense has 20 minutes and then the prosecution has 20 minutes.

9:50 a.m. Both attorneys are done and go into a sidebar with the judge. We are herded into the hall and told we'd be brought back in, in approximately 15 minutes.

10:20 a.m. We are brought back in. I sit down and notice the defendent slumped over in his chair. I'm about to tell the bailiff when the judge orders all of us out again.

10:40 a.m. Two SD Sheriff EMTs show up and go into the court, whose door windows have been blocked with paper.

10:50 a.m. Two SD Fire and Rescue paramedics show up with a stretcher. Defendent is wheeled down the hall to the elevator. Judge comes out and tells us to go to lunch and be back at 1:30 p.m. She's expecting to have medical info from the hospital by then. 2 and a half hour lunch! Woo hoo!

11:30 a.m. Meet Troll, who works at City Hall a few blocks away, for Chinese food. He offers to cover lunch if I transfer fundage into his PokerStars account. Can you believe these online poker players?

12:45 p.m. Back at my truck. Take a nap for about 20 minutes.

1:15 p.m. Back outside the courtroom. WTC is waiting for me.

1:45 p.m. Judge comes out and says that the doctors are still running tests. Court is adjourned for the day and we are to report back at 9:15 a.m. on Thursday. Still don't know if I'm actually seated in the jury panel.

Stay tuned for the continuing saga of, "Will Hoff ever get out of jury duty?" followed by "When the Justice System Goes Bad - Jello Wrestling between the Court System and Law Enforcement (parental discretion is advised)".



drewspop said...

Mmm, jello.

TripJax said...

must get cameraphone pic of teh WTC...