Thursday, December 08, 2005

Who Farted?

I wanted to get this down while it was still fresh, so to speak.

I stopped off at the Post Office to get my mail. My Post Office is in Del Mar, a nice, upscale beach town in San Diego County. I walked in, emptied my PO Box, and went over to the counter to sort out the junk. Three whole pieces worth keeping...a credit card statement, a life insurance premium, and my new issue of Motor Trend (woo hoo!!). As I stroll to the door, I see a typical SD beach hottie approaching from the outside. Blonde, trendy haircut, jacket, and a pair of those clingy pants with the flowing legs, the ones that cling to the ass and crotch, showing off the g-string and cameltoe. Her body said late 20's, but her eyes said late 30's. Don't know why, she just looked like she's seen some hard times. Either way, she was hot.

I stepped outside and held the door for her. She thanked me and I let the door close. I took one step and walked into a cloud of ass gas. There was nobody on the street within 3 blocks, so it had to be her. I turned around and barely made eye contact before she hurriedly turned away. Now, I don't have such a high opinion of myself that I thought she was looking me over and turned away when I looked back. Rather, I think she was looking to see if I noticed the ass gas, and turned away when I caught her blowing ass. All I could think of is how weird it is for a girl to rip off a potent one. Farting typically doesn't bother me. My buddy, Zippy (Aaron in Rhode Island), christened my father, Frrrrt, after a farewell "pronouncement" before we road-tripped from San Diego to Providence. My other buddy, Troll (who is now known for his "exploits" all over the country, from SD to Humboldt to Alabama to NYC thanks to the Poker Babe, Lady Falcon) who came into my dorm bathroom while I was in Santa Barbara and dropped hard ass after a weekend of booze and pizza. Ass eminations typically don't surprise or offend me, but all I could think of was the scene from the movie, Detroit Rock City, where the guys hide in the girls bathroom and a cheerleader comes in and rips off a beauty. The guys totally lose it, laughing about never hearing a chick blow ass before. That's what it was. She was too hot to emit such a weapon of mass destruction. I guess it could have been worse...I could have HEARD her rip it off!


Mr. Chips said...


Interesting encounter with ass gas, and well documented. In a strange way, it only adds to my attraction of the aging vixen.

You didn't happen to get her number did you?

iamhoff said...

Mr. Chips,

Thanks for visiting. No, I did not get her number. The thought crossed my mind, but that split second when I caught her evasiveness as she turned away made it too funny for me to think about her number. Frankly, it made me think, "I gotta post this!"

Lady Falcon said...

Poor girl. Reminds me of the time (of course, it was very, very, very long ago--like three or four months ago) that I let one slip in the car right as I was driving up to the valet stand at a casino in Northern California....I actually pulled away from the valet stand and used self-parking that day...even though I had to park half a mile away and take a shuttle bus to back to the casino.