Friday, December 09, 2005

The Friday Funnies

Some random thoughts from the wonderfully warped mind of Mitch Hedberg. Enjoy.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. I don't want them to, you know. I say, "Hey. Hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf." Koala bears, they're so fucking cute. Why do they have to be so far away from me? We need to ship a few over, and I will apprehend one.

Last week I helped a friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping him move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he didn't start to load shit into a truck.

We went into the woods to be trippin', because in the woods there's less of a chance that you'll run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzz kill. My friend Duane was standing there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear, Duane put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Mitch, Smokey's way more intense in person...he's an asshole."

No comments: